I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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