are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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