I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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