I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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