I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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