tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I forget how to act sober
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