I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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