Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
