we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
