I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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