Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this boner is exhausting
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize