Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
