Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
