I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
