I just pynch a tree in the face
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
