oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
