So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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