He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
