My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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