One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
