We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
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Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Congratulations! We have a period
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