So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the condom got lost in my hair
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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