i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
