Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
