her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
