I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
