Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
