shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
