we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
