Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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