Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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