I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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