I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
