You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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