Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
