ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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