I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
