I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
