This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
