and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
