Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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