What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
