Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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