I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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