I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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