we need to drink 2009 down the drain
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
