Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
