he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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