Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
