cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
