youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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