He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
