every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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