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bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
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