found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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