so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home