I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever