i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good