Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
