PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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