I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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