Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
