his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
