Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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