you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
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tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize