so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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