what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
