I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
