dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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