wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
