textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
